There are certain mile stones in a person's life, that cause what I call, "The Awakening." I have had several awakenings in my life, my father's murder on my birthday when I was a child, having cancer at the age of 23 and having my wife cheat on me and flee the state with our child. Years later, taking care of my mom, who was slowly dieing of cancer and 9-11. Some may think these incidents are just tragedy, heartache and loss, I say, these incidents forced me to question what my reality was and forced me to challenge and reevaluate what I thought, "Reality" truly was. The murder of my father on my ninth birthday, was quite possibly one of the best things that happened to me as a son. Now, before you say I am some sort of a twisted and demented demon, let me enlighten you. My father was a monster, I thought all fathers, pulled their wives around the house by their hair like a caveman, as the wife screams, "NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!" I thought all fathers beat their kids when they tried to stop the torture and daily beatings of their mother. Imagine the feeling of helplessness, as a nine year old child, tries to save his own mother and is knocked away and flung into a wall, like a small stuffed animal, only to get up and and to be swatted away like a fly, over and over again, until he is too weak to get up from the floor.
His death, allowed me to have the most caring, loving mother on the planet, raise a young boy and to have a mother, who taught him how to care, love and feel empathy toward the helpless.
When I was diagnosed with cancer and going through 12 months of chemotherapy, only to have my wife leave and take my son, that was another blessing and awakening in my life. The heartache and loss, forced me to realize that I had the world in my palm and did not appreciate it. I was young and strong, fit and healthy, I had a beautiful wife, a thriving career but as a person, I was conceited, arrogant and had no idea just how bad it could get.
Because of the cancer, the adulterous wife the heartache of not knowing were my infant son was, forced me to have a new appreciation for being alive and being the best father a man could be.
My mother's two year battle with liver cancer, I am thankful to have had this in my life. Loss, loss can be sudden and it leaves a hole in your soul with the gnawing questions of, "What could I have done, I should have done more, why didnt I call?" I should know, my brother died in a single car accident, two years before the death of my mother. The death of my mother, allowed us to answer life long questions, it allowed us to know WHEN death would come and we were prepared. The slow death of my mom, not only took my mother but it took my best friend and the wisest person I have ever met. We knew death was coming like a far off train, we knew everyday was a gift to cherished. Everyday, we knew the train was coming, so we LIVED like there was no tomorrow, like we all should.
My mother's two year battle with liver cancer, I am thankful to have had this in my life. Loss, loss can be sudden and it leaves a hole in your soul with the gnawing questions of, "What could I have done, I should have done more, why didnt I call?" I should know, my brother died in a single car accident, two years before the death of my mother. The death of my mother, allowed us to answer life long questions, it allowed us to know WHEN death would come and we were prepared. The slow death of my mom, not only took my mother but it took my best friend and the wisest person I have ever met. We knew death was coming like a far off train, we knew everyday was a gift to cherished. Everyday, we knew the train was coming, so we LIVED like there was no tomorrow, like we all should.
